Brian Laesch .c o m

I wonder if the Hollywood bidding war has begun on rights to the story of the 15 hostages who were just freed in Colombia. It’s already the best movie I’ve seen this year…even though it’s an article…and oh yeah, a true story.

It’s an unbelievable story: The Colombian National Military spending months to infiltrate the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (or FARC), posting as rebels themselves, and tricking the real rebels into handing over 15 hostages, including 3 American Contractors and a former Colombian Presidential candidate who was kidnapped by the rebels 6 years ago while campaigning. This is the kind of stuff movies are made of…or the kind of stuff Hollywood screws up with a movie. Because let’s face it: Hollywood messes up a lot of movies, and this story pretty much stands alone already as the feel-good…anything of the year.

The script is already written. Hollywood wouldn’t have to change a thing. (Even wardrobe is taken care of. Some of the Colombian security forces posing as FARC rebels on the helicopter that picked up the hostages were wearing Che Guevara shirts. You know that’s exactly what a wardrobe department would do.) It’s perfect… Yet, I’ve seen firsthand (make that, heard about firsthand, then seen on the screen) what studio development departments can do to potentially good films. They start to over think things, bring in way too many writers to “fix” scripts, and even, once the film has gone into production, let star actors take over films and practically rewrite them on set. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t. But the process is flawed. And since William Goldman said, “Nobody Knows Anything,” in his Hollywood book published in 1983, I’m guessing things aren’t going to change.

So all I can say to Fox, Sony, Universal, Warner Bros., Disney, New Line (what’s left), CAA, ICM, Endeavor, William Morris, Gersh, APA, ABC, NBC, CBS, Viacom, Clear Channel, Myspace, Rupert Murdoch and Ted Turner is:

PLEASE DON’T SCREW THIS UP.

Spread the word:

-–Written For Eleventh Hour Blog–-

Fairweather Lakers fans, diehard Lakers fans, and Americans alike, will now all be forced to root for Kobe Bryant in the upcoming 2008 Olympic games in Beijing. Whether you’ve booed him in the past (or at the beginning of the regular season if you’re a Lakers fan), you will be forced to swallow any disdain and root for the man the media has dubbed, “greatest player in the league.” So light a candle, play John Lennon’s “Imagine,” do whatever you have to do; it’s time to unite the country and regain USA Basketball’s spot at the top. In your face, Jorge Garbosa. (He just seemed like the appropriate Euro player to taunt. Not really sure why.)

Here, I’ll start liking Kobe now by saying this: I am really glad he is on the team. We really do need him. We need all the help we can get, and Kobe was dominant in last summer’s qualifying tournament.

Rounding out the 12-man are Lebron James, Dwayne Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Jason Kidd, Tayshaun Prince, Carlos Boozer, Chris Bosh, Dwight Howard, Chris Paul, Michael Redd, and Deron Williams.

I’m also very glad to have these NBA stars aboard–although I’m concerned with our lack of depth down low. Luckily, the international game doesn’t present too many dominant big men. Although, they did run into Sofoklis “Baby Shaq” Schortsanitis a few summers ago in the 2006 FIBA World Championship, and had a tough time.  As long as Howard and Boozer can stay out of foul trouble we should be victorious.  Although, the whole “Russian judge” thing does exist in international competition, unfortunately, so expect a few questionable calls.  (You’ll forget all about Tim Donaghey.)

Yes, it’s time to rally behind Team USA and root them on to the gold medal.  I, for one, am both excited and nervous, knowing that if we can’t win it this year…well…I’m not sure what else we need to do.

Hopefully, Kobe and Team USA won’t run into the team from Ireland though.  (Get it?  Because he just lost to the “Celtics” in the NBA Finals.)  The Irish don’t even have a team in the Olympics this year, but I’d be nervous if they did.  Especially, if their top 3 players were Devin Garnett, Saul Pierce, and Jay Allen.  Obviously, this is completely unrealistic.  “Garnett” and “Pierce” are names of English origin, and “Allen” is a Scottish name.  None of them would be allowed on the team.

In closing, USA!  USA!  USA!

Spread the word:

–Written For Eleventh Hour Blog–

As a temp, you should always remember that you are representing yourself, as well as the temp agency. You want to make a good first impression, and you need to realize that no matter how “normal” you are, regular full-time employees may still be looking at you as the “random temp.” So you don’t want to draw any negative attention to yourself and prove them right.

This is common sense for most people. Most likely, if you are continually getting temp work, you are well aware of how to act in a professional workplace…but there is always that small percentage. After all, the word “clueless” is a word for a reason.

Top Ten Things NOT to Do as a Temp:

10. Walk in the morning of your first day and give everybody in the office a flier for a big night club event you are promoting in Hollywood, and try to sell them hard on bottle service.

9. See if any of your temporary co-workers are interested in becoming their own boss by selling Amway.

8. Wear frayed jean shorts.

7. Make a lot of mistakes and joke after each one, “What are you going to do, fire me?”

6. Walk in the morning of your first day and give everybody in the office a flier for your hybrid, folk/hip-hop band’s performance at Hotel Cafe next month.

5. Tell somebody you are only doing this job because you heard “the co-eds at this office were easy.”

4. Talk about the latest episode of “To Catch a Predator,” and sympathize with the predators.

3. Jokingly ask for a raise…about 10 times a day.

2. Talk about how useless education is, and how pyramid schemes are the way to go these days if you want to build real wealth.

1. Work a temp job on your birthday, bring in your own cake, and send out a mass email to the company, announcing, “There’s a birthday party for Temp John Doe in the conference room at 4:00.”

Spread the word:

I recently started a part-time blogging gig for Eleventh Hour–a temp agency/recruiter that was founded in the entertainment industry, but has since expanded to other industries as well. Or in their words, “a boutique agency specializing in the recruitment of skilled personnel”–which is true. They have helped me a lot since I left my job in October. I really can’t thank them enough, and this blogging job is another great opportunity I’ve been blessed with to earn some extra money, and do something I enjoy–which is write.

I’ve only written two blogs for them so far (With the eleventh hour looming, Lakers deliver and Top Ten Things NOT to Do at a Temp Job), but I will be writing at least two a week, and hopefully helping to bring some traffic to their blog, and consequently, their official site.

Unfortunately, my name will not be associated with anything I write for the 11thr Blog, but from time to time, I will post some of my blogs in their entirety on here.

Definitely check out the official Eleventh Hour blog, and the official Eleventh Hour site as well. (Especially if you are looking for work in the Los Angeles area.)

Brian Laesch is now (and again) a paid blogger, who coincidentally has worn #11 as his lucky number on sports jerseys for years.

Spread the word:

I would like to congratulate fellow Arizona State alum, Eddie House, on his NBA Championship with the Boston Celtics tonight.

It felt great to watch a guy, who I saw play in college, play an integral role in winning an NBA title. Just plain awesome. And not to mention, he partied at my fraternity house at Arizona State back in 2000, about a month before he was drafted. It was our house’s end-of-the-year blowout. So most likely, the last party he ever attended on the actual ASU campus (which I don’t think is even allowed anymore by ASU administration) was at our house. And you know what? As he drove away in an Escalade, with 3 TV screens, probably with some hot chick, a month before he was about to make millions in the NBA, I really felt a strong connection. I mean, seriously, it’s kind of eerie:

• We both went to ASU.
• We both have had beer before.
• He is one of NBA’s premiere shooters.
• I dominate the 3-point line in my rec league.

Yeah, I guess that settles it. We are pretty tight.

Congratulations to the 2007-2008 NBA World Champion Boston Celtics. Oh yeah, and I also have to say that I’m really happy Kevin Garnett got his first ring. What up, Chicago!

Brian Laesch is an unpaid blogger, trying to get involved in the Jay Mariotti-Rick Telander feud at the Chicago Sun-Times.

Spread the word:

In the aftermath of my food poisoning from Popeye’s Chicken in the Atlanta airport on my way back from the Indy 500 (something I’m definitely not blogging about because it sucked), I attended a Ludacris/Tommy Lee Griffith Park benefit concert last night at the Greek Theatre in LA. Put on by the new, hip, environmentally-friendly network, Planet Green. It was a show to help restore Griffith Park, and it also served as the final episode for a new reality show on the soon-to-air network called, “Battleground Earth: Tommy Lee vs. Ludacris.” In which Tommy Lee and Ludacris go all over Earth (or the United States) and compete in challenges to help raise awareness of environmental concerns. The loser has to open up for the winner (in the concert that I just saw last night). They filmed “alternate endings” to keep the winner a secret…but I’m pretty sure I know how it ends. I won’t spoil it though…as long as Planet Green sends me 5,000 dollars within the next 2 weeks.

Thanks to a good friend at KROQ, I was not only able to attend the show, but hang out in the hospitality suite backstage, during and after the show, a few feet from Ludacris. There was an open bar (beer and wine) that I couldn’t even take advantage of because of my stomach (food poisoning), but at least I got free bottled water. (I’ve made it.)

The show was pretty good I guess. It was all made for TV, and most of the acts only performed one song. Tommy Davidson MCed the show and Ziggy Marley performed as well, which was pretty cool.

The highlight of the night for me though, was when I was in the backstage hospitality lounge and the entire room made way for Ludacris to get by and go on, and he stopped a few feet from me and hollered for his bodyguard Dre to “bring the jewelry.” That was funny to me. It was so cliche, yet in the moment, seemed completely normal, and I guess it also helps that Ludacris is actually a successful rapper who can afford the accessories. Still…it makes you wonder if they just rent the stuff for the show and keep it in a bag until it’s time to perform. I know that’s what I’d probably do if I was a big time rapper.

Anyway, that was my night. And I thought the randomness was over…until I got on the elevator at my apartment complex this morning and Cedric the Entertainer–who was at the show–was standing there. Random, but I made small talk with him about the show until I reached my floor, and he reached the floor of whoever he was with… But I’m not into the whole celebrity gossip thing, so I’ll leave it at that.

Brian Laesch. Sometimes he wishes that he thought all of this was as cool as it looks on Entourage. He really does.

Spread the word:

I recently enjoyed a week in Atlanta (Buford), working the Men’s Division III NCAA Championship Golf Tournament at the Chateau Elan Golf Resort. Even though I wasn’t technically in Atlanta, I did fly into Atlanta, and for the sake of making me look cool, let’s just consider it Atlanta for the duration of this blog.

Just getting out of Los Angeles was good enough for me, but to be able to make it deep into the humid forests of the dirty south, and enjoy some good old fashioned southern hospitality, and cuisine (Applebee’s), was refreshing. I don’t care what anybody says. I absolutely love the Bible Belt. I don’t know if Georgia is considered part of the “Bible Belt,” but I’m pretty sure it is, as witnessed when I was denied trying to buy beer on the Sunday night I got into town, at the local Quik Stop, by a kid who was probably 16. I wasn’t even mad though. In a weird way, it was kind of cool. You mean to tell me there are still places on earth where morality has some merit and people don’t all wear trendy black t-shirts with skeletons and sac religious bullshit on them? Cool! Don’t even get me started on the Ed Hardy revolution that has seemed to engulf youth fashion these days. I’m not going to sit here and say I don’t own a few Ed Hardy items…but moderation goes a long way, folks.

Anyway, from the moment I got into Buford Atlanta, it was awesome. I got in my rental car (black, in honor of the chocolate city), turned it on, and the radio was already bumping HOT 107.9. I played this station about 90% of the time I was there–including pulling into the Chateau Elan–and I think they played the same 5 songs the entire time, and I think Young Jeezy was in all of them, and I think I remember it being awesome. It was refreshing to get way from Power 106 in LA, where they play west coast bullshit, most of which isn’t good. Neither was the music on 107.9 (in a traditional sense), but at least it was fun and entertaining and gets you crunk during your drive. The music selection on Power 106 in LA usually pisses me off more than the traffic I’m stuck in. But I digress.

Overall, it was a good trip. Working the golf tournament was a good way to get out of Hollywood and back to “the simple life.” It’s what I needed, and I now appreciate Los Angeles more after my week away…but I still think Chicago is a way better city than LA.

Here are a few other notable highlights from my trip:

As I mentioned before, I was denied trying to buy beer on a Sunday at a gas station, per Georgia state law. I was denied by a kid who was no older than 16. Two nights later, I went to the same Quik Stop and purchased a Miller High Life tall boy (it seemed appropriate). This time, the older gentleman at the register literally checked my ID and said, “California? You’re a looonnnggg way from home, boy.” He was friendly about it, but still, who says that? Then he asked me what I was doing there. It was at this point that this particular Quik Stop in the sticks of Georgia turned into the Belly Room at the Comedy Store on Sunset Blvd. in Hollywood, and I found myself on stage. Check out this hilarious exchange:

Quik Stop Dude: What are you doin’ out here?

Me: Working a golf tournament.

Quik Stop Dude: A golf tournament!? What kind of job is that?

Me: A good one.

Quik Stop Dude: Hee-hee. You got me some extra tickets, right?

Me: Yeah…they are…(wait for it)…in the car.

Quik Stop Dude: (an inaudible response meaning “touche”)

Okay, so you had to be there, but everybody in the Quik Stop thought I was Dane Cook. (Get it? Because it wasn’t really THAT funny, yet it got a good response for some reason.)
I picked up Applebee’s To Go (curbside). That in itself would make some of these “LA people” cringe–which makes me happy. An Applebee’s steak dinner To Go and the NBA playoffs on TV? I was happy. Get over it, elitists.

On the first practice round day of the tournament, I drove a golf cart by two golfers who were most likely members at the club and I heard one of them ask the other, “Who the fuck is that?” I still don’t know if I actually heard that, or if I was imagining it because I was out of my element, but it’s a lot funnier if they actually did.

There was a golfer in the tournament with the last name of “Nigro.” It was my job to check the scorecards at the end of each round, and the sports information director at the particular school that was hosting the tournament was helping me by reading off each of the golfer’s names, followed by their scores. Well, it just so happens that the last two days of the tournament we had at least one African-American volunteer helping us in the scoring room. So every time he would get to the name “Nigro,” he would hesitate, and just cut off after the golfer’s first name. I completely understand, but it was also pretty funny. I mean…that’s the golfer’s actual last name, and it’s not even pronounced the same as the derogatory term.  What are you gonna do?  Maybe it doesn’t translate to very strong comedy in this blog, but at the time, it was what this simplistic Midwestern guy might call a “Seinfeld moment.”

When I turned in my rental car and got on the shuttle to the Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson Airport, I forgot to tell the driver which airline I was flying. So when the guy sitting closest to me tried to help the driver find out by asking me, “Hey, you American?,” I just figured he was asking me if I was an American and simply responded, “Yeah.” Which was funny, considering he was asking for my airline, and was definitely American himself; decked out in Georgia Dawgs gear and speaking with a southern accent.

Overall, this trip was exactly what I needed. The slower pace; the real people; the crunk radio stations; and even the humidity. It just these small reminders that remind you what life is really about. Not the petty bullshit that people try to hold you down with. Life is about life. It’s about living. It’s about human beings. It’s about community.  It’s about being the best person you can and enjoying yourself once in a while.  Plain and simple. I feel like these preschool-level principles get lost in the Hollywood shuffle, and it’s sad. I love people. I love life. And for some reason, Hollywood makes me forget this. Thank God for the chance I had to get out of here for a while and realign my perspective on things.

Brian Laesch is a professional blogger when it comes to blogging about himself.

Spread the word: